Book Coming Out Soon

This blog was birth as a result of the book that I was writing and I am thrilled to announce that it is coming out very soon. The final corrections and editing are being put in place at the time of this posting and soon it will be sent off to be printed and published. Very exciting!

If you would like to participate in the promotional launch of my book “Anatomy of frustration - Discover How to Transform Frustration into Opportunities & Unlock the Power to Succeed” please do drop me a word or two at anatomyoffrustration at gmail dot com.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Anatomy of Frustration: What is your definition of failure?

Failure is one most single factor responsible for frustration and stress personally and professionally.

What is your definition of failure? This is a legitimate concern that a lot of people have as they progress through the corridors of life. It is significant to respond to this concern as candid as possible.

As a Husband, Father, Pastor and Success facilitator, this is one of the concerns that I get bombarded with every now and then. Over the years I have become fascinated with success and in the process of my quest and studies I have come to know the other side of success called failure.

Now to aspire for success without ever experiencing some failure or temporary detours is to be naïve. With that said how do I define failure? Before responding I’d like to reiterate that how you define failure and events ultimately affects your perspectives, outlook and your relationship to those things or events in your life. It is therefore, important to revaluate your definition.

“You may have failed in some things but you are not a failure, for failure is just but an event that occurred in your pursuit of success personally or professionally.” Richard Onebamoi. Winston Churchill observed, “Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” It is of utmost importance to reiterate that you cannot travel the road to success without experiencing some temporary setbacks, detours or errors of judgment.

Most people are frustrated and stressed because of their definition of failure that eventually frames their thinking, perception and understanding. It is not the failure but their perspective and meaning they attach to it. Some individuals like Apostle Peter failed the Lord three times before the cockcrow; Abraham Lincoln failed six attempts at political office before becoming America's sixteenth President. Thomas Edison experienced thousands of failed attempts at producing a viable filament for the incandescent bulb over 1000 times. All these men went on to accomplish great things in their lifetime.

How we look at life and failures makes a difference. This explains why some people fail and go on to achieve great things in their lives and others never fulfil their God given destiny. Don't just give up when you encounter challenges and experience failure. You must forge ahead. Persistence is what gives losers a winner's edge. It makes winners out of losers and quitters. Successful people are not individuals who haven’t failed or frustrated at one time or the other but individual who through learning and persistence have transformed their failures into productivity and the power to succeed. What is your excuse?

Here are some definitions from great thinkers on the subject of failure:

“Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.” Zig Zigglar

“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.” C.S. Lewis

“Failure is the tuition you pay for success.” Walter Brunell

“There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them.” Tom Krause

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” Colin Powell

“I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong” Benjamin Franklin

“We seem to gain wisdom more readily through our failures than through our successes. We always think of failure as the antithesis of success, but it isn't. Success often lies just the other side of failure.” Leo F. Buscaglia

How about you - how would you define failure? Go ahead take a shot at it! And I will see you at the top.

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Anatomy of Frustration: Lack of details

“Success is not in the accumulation of the details, but in the consistent and progressive action taken daily in harmony with little details possessed.” Richard Onebamoi

Most people will agree that you have to have all the details before you can take action and achieve any meaningful results. However, as great as that may sound I am convinced that by now wisdom and life experiences must have taught you that this is not always the case and it is not in all situations of life that you have to have all the details. It is a know fact that struggling and searching for all the details can cause anxiety and stress which ultimately leads to frustration in the final analysis.

There are individuals that are not able to handle the fact that it is part of the process in life events that sometimes you can’t wait to have all the details to take congruent action. There are those who must have all the details otherwise they cannot function and if they cannot function they get frustrated and frustrate anyone around them. There are situations that you just have to go ahead with what you have and get the further details as you progress on.

Sometimes most of these individuals keep gathering details that they never take action in the direction of their anticipated expectation. These are individuals that are said to have paralysis through analysis that is spending too much time pondering unnecessary detail.


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Longterm Wellness Solutions

Longterm Wellness Solutions’ mission is to feed you spirit, renew your mind and nourish your body. To help you improve your general wellbeing by providing information on fitness, health maintenance, weight control, sports stamina and anti-aging.

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Anatomy of Frustration: Lack of skills or training

“All of the top achievers I know are life-long learners... Looking for new skills, insights, and ideas. If they're not learning, they're not growing... not moving toward excellence.” Denis Waitley

Sometimes frustration comes from attempting a task that is beyond our training and experience. This occurrence is common because our world is changing so rapidly. The way we are use to doing things are becoming obsolete, paradigms are shifting at an astronomical pace that most individuals in personal and professional environments are finding it daunting to stay abreast with the changing trends and this oftentimes result to tremendous stress and frustration.

In our evolving world the skills and training such as communication, leadership and people skills that were relevant to a particular task yesterday could be obsolete today. This has brought untold frustration to many people. For example the advent of the Internet has change the way we communicate and conduct business in the past. So we are faced with the challenge of attempting a task within a global environment that necessitate new skills and trainings, this often brings frustration to those involved, as they have to acquire new skills and new relevant information as they have to adapt to the changing trends.

Jim Rohn remarked, “Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.” The truth is formal education will only get you thus far but consistent life-long learning process (self-education) will help transform frustration, unlock the power to succeed and give you a competitive advantage in any enterprise.

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Anatomy of Frustration: The Habit of Quitting

“Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.” Ross Perot

Vince Lombardi observed, “Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit.” This can't be explained in a more appropriate term. One of the root causes of frustration that eventually results to absolute failure and disappointments is the habit of quitting when overtaking by temporary defeat, setback or detour. Most people tend to quit when they encounter temporary defeats or setbacks just for the simple fact that they did not achieve their desired objectives or expectations and this ought not be so.

On one hand, temporary set back should be seen and considered as a resource that one can draw ideas and learn from what did not work the first time as against seeing it as a sentence to doom. Remember that your setbacks or temporary detours are just part of the process toward achieving your expectation and not a reason to quit the journey but to revaluate and reassess for the next action on the playing field of life.

Let me illustrate with this simple but yet relevant example. Miss Stones decides that she is going to shed some weight so as to fit into her wedding gown, but unfortunately she was not impressed with the progress she had made and so she is frustrated and quits. This has always been her line of action when she is faced with a temporary setback and this habit many times has driven her to overwhelming feelings of frustration. This could very well be the reason why most people never reach their fullest potential or achieve their goals, and in the process get so frustrated because they quitted before lasting results could be achieved.

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Understanding how to overcome stress

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” Marcus Aurelius Antonious

Stress Defined: Stress is a state of physiological or psychological strain caused by adverse stimuli, physical, mental, or emotional, internal or external, that tend to disturb the functioning of an organism and which the organism naturally desires to avoid. Dorland's Medical Dictionary for Health Consumers

Understanding how to overcome stress is imperative, so as to help you work effectively professionally as well as contribute to having a healthy personal life. Studies show that 80% - 90% of all diseases are stress related. I suppose that these figures are staggering enough to make the subject of stress a priority in our individual and collective lives respectively. A lot people are stressed today in different works of life for numerous reasons. The question to consider is what are the causes of this stress? Lots of things could be responsible, from family chores to too much work to do, from fear of public speaking to traffic on the way to an important event.

Causes of Stress: Stress is caused by many different factors and I will list just a few here.

• Events that are considered a threat to the general overall wellbeing of the individual.
• When there are inevitable changes in ones physical or social environment.
• Fear of losing one’s job
• Fear of rejection
• Financial challenges
• Problems with family members

Remedies: Whenever you are feeling stressed you need to take action to change the state or condition. The following suggestion will be helpful in overcoming stress.

• Take a break from whatever you are doing
• Get away from the problem for a while
• Take a deep breath
• Reassess and describe what is the source stress
• Change your focus
• You have to come to terms with yourself that there are some things beyond your control
• If the stress is beginning to affect your health you should seek professional attention
• Having quiet moments from all the busyness

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Quote Meal

"Habits of pessimism lead to depression, wither achievement, and undermine physical health. The good news is that pessimism can be unlearned, and that with its removal depression, underachievement, and poor health can be alleviated."
Martin Seligman

How to deal with depression

I am a member of Capitol Toastmasters Club and in one of our club meetings one of the prepared speeches given by one of our members was about battling depression. I was so intrigued by the speech that I decided to write a post on what I learnt from that speech.

Most people are susceptible to depression. This illness can be triggered by stress or frustrating circumstances in ones life. At this point you may not have experienced depression perhaps you probably have met someone who has or is suffering from this emotional dysfunction or illness called Depression.

But what is depression? According to
Gale Encyclopedia of Medicine, Depression is a state of being depressed marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty with thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal thoughts or an attempt to commit suicide. It represents extreme low moods that lasts a long time and makes a person feel sad, irritable or empty. It is said to occur because of chemical imbalance in the brain. Depression could also occur due to the changes in ones personal or professional life.

There are several types of depression,

Clinical depression: This is a mental disorder characterized by a pervasive low mood, loss of interest in a person's usual activities and diminished ability to experience pleasure.

Dysthymia: This is a mood disorder that falls within the depression spectrum. It is often considered a chronic depression, but with less severity than a major depression. This disorder tends to be a chronic, long-lasting illness

Bipolar depression: This is where you experience a mood swing between being overexcited and happy to being depressed.

Symptoms of Depression

The following are some of the signs and symptoms that characterize depression. However these symptoms varies with different from people.

• anxiety
• helplessness or worthlessness
• overeating or under eating
• irritability
• gaining weight or losing weight
• inability to concentrate
• a loss of appetite
• feelings of extreme sadness
• insomnia
• difficulty making decisions
• fatigue
• a loss of interest in things that the person use to enjoy

Causes of Depression

• Physiological factor
• Sociological factor
• Chemical imbalance
• Personality

Tips on how to deal with depression:

• Seek spiritual help
• Seek professional help
• Group therapy
• Join a mastermind group
• Change your focus
• Develop a positive outlook
• Associate with positive and enthusiastic people

The fact of the matter is that you cannot function at your best capacity when depressed. This is an illness that should not alienate you from your love ones, close acquaintances and the rest of the world. With accurate diagnoses, proper treatments and self-help resources you can overcome depression and live the life that you are meant to live.


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Why is Frustration spreading among Youths Today?

Why is frustration spreading among youths today? This is the question that I came across earlier on today as I was going through some of the keywords used by some of the visitors to my blog. I was deeply moved and stimulated by this question that I decided to write a post to at least give a response, which I think is very fundamental.

There are of course a number of reasons responsible for the untold frustrations among our youths today. One of the main reasons for the frustrations among youths is peer pressure. Most youths are trying so hard to be and act like somebody else. They are trying to fit into a certain group and while struggling to adopt a lifestyle in harmony with that group. Doing what is expected of the members of that particular group. Most youths have undying desire to attain a certain social status quo, and in this fruitless struggle they are getting stressed, agitated and frustrated.

The peer pressure exerted on the youths of today is unprecedented. The temptation to do what their peers are doing, which may not be congruent with their core values, is stressful. If you do not conform to these prescribed ways of life you will be considered as not happening or not in vogue. You are almost treated as an outcast for that matter and this is the most common cause of frustration amongst youths today.

One of the ways to address this problem is personal development. Find a mentor that can help you navigate through difficult decision-making process. Parents have a part to play as well in ensuring that youths are comfortable with themselves and they don’t have to be subjected to peer pressures to be successful and accepted in the society.

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Quote Meal

"God-centered thinking does not deny the reality of our present situation, but it does put our troubles into perspective."
Richard Exley

Anatomy of Frustration: Lack of Control

Lack of control over people, things, events and circumstances just to name a few is known to be one of the root causes of frustration today in personal and professional lives. Charles Popplestown stated, “You can not always control circumstances, but you can control your own thoughts.” This problem is quite common but not obvious. First and foremost you need to recognize that you have no control over things around you, control of other people’s lives or make anyone do anything for that matter.

Kelsey Grammer remarked, “The mark of a man is one who knows he can't control his circumstances - but he can control his responses.” A lot of people really get frustrated because they cannot control the situation to their own advantage. In view of the fact that there is a lack of control a feeling of disappointment, exasperation, or weariness takes over, producing anger, stress or resentment. These individuals do not realize that there are events, situations or circumstances in life that we cannot control just for the simple fact that we are humans.

Jim Rohn is often quoted as saying “It is the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we will go.” To be frustrated at the direction of the wind, which is beyond your control, is unproductive. It is imperative therefore, to understand that one may not be able to control certain situations or events because they do not depend on us directly or indirectly. You need to learn how to let go some of the things you are struggling with trying so hard to gain control over because when that happens that is when you gain.

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Quote Meal

"There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose."
Kin Hubbard

What is rssHugger and What is the buzz about?

rssHugger is a new website developed to help bloggers promote their blogs, and to help visitors discover new blogs that write about subjects that the readers are interested in. It’s a fact that most bloggers are always seeking new ways to promote their blogs and gain higher visibility while on the other hand visitors are looking to discover blogs that are relevant to them without having to surf the net for hours and this is what rssHugger is designed to accomplish and this is what the buzz is all about.

Collin LaHay, is the man behind rssHugger and he is an experienced entrepreneur, search engine optimizer, and internet marketer. The following are the benefits for joing rssHugger,

For bloggers:

# Raise awareness of your blog
# Send tons of visitors to your blog
# Share traffic with the community
# Be part of a viral/buzz marketing campaign
# Build deep-links for your blog posts to help with search engine optimization
# Get new interested RSS subscribers who view your content on a regular basis.

For the visitors:

# Find blogs that interest you
# Easily subscribe to many blogs
# Skim over hundreds of blogs to find what suits you

This is worth checking out.

Anatomy of Frustrarion: Failure Factor

The Law of Human Behavior states, “Sooner or later we will get what we expect.” This law is explicit enough, it suffice to mean that whatever you expect is going to be your reality. For example, if you expect to fail, sooner or later you will fail. Every situation is an education. No one enjoys failing in any endeavor, however, it’s inevitable. Mr. Jobson enrolled to take his driver’s permit test which he performed poorly and this was neither his first nor was it is second test and as a result he is frustrated and disappointed.

The failure to achieve ones desires or expectation can result to frustration and it can affect you in a very remarkable way. However, failure is not reserved for the less privileged or mentally retarded but to all of us. I have since discovered that failure is one of the breakfasts of champions. Individuals who have never failed are individuals who haven’t done anything. It is imperative to understand that failure is not a destination but an event that occurred in pursuit of your goals and objectives. Here is how Rogier Von Oech puts it; Remember, there are two benefits of failure, First, if you do fail, you learn what doesn’t work; and second, the failure gives you an opportunity to try a new approach…. Most people think of success and failure as opposite, but they are actually both products of the same process.

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Anatomy of Frustration: Lack of direction

Henry David Thoreau said, “If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” According to Jim Rohn, “You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.” You must have a clear road map in your head at every step of your task or assignment and where you are in the process. Lack of direction will lead to uncompleted or haphazardly completed tasks.

The dilemma is that without direction you will not know when you have arrived at your desired objectives and you will not be able to repeat the same process if you have to. The lack of direction and definition for “your” goals and objectives will certainly lead to frustration in the final analysis when meaningful results are not archieved. At home with your loved ones or at work with your colleagues you must define your objectives, what you intend to achieve in the relationship and how you intend to achieve it. Without these procedures there will be misunderstandings, indifference and ultimately frustration. Use these techniques before and after you embark on your task, as this will help you leverage all the resources at your disposal when frustrating circumstances occurs.

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April 2008 Bloghology Launched

Finally my friend Mert Erkal, has launched the long awaited April 2008 Bloghology edition. You can download it by clicking on this link. There are interesting insights and nuggets on topics such as personal development, how to transform frustration into opportunities and unlock the power to succeed, how to track your keywords with hit tail and many more...

Richard Onebamoi interviewed by Mert Enkal

Anatomy of Frustration with Richard Onebamoi

Peopleized by: merkal2005 - Monday, 28 April 2008

SuccessfacilitatorRead Anatomy of Frustration with Richard Onebamoi and get inspired!

merkal2005: Hi Richard, please tell us about yourself and your mission

Successfacilitator: Hello Mert, first and foremost let me take this opportunity to thank you very much for the interview.

Well, my name is Richard Onebamoi, I am a Pastor, International Speaker and Success facilitator. I'm also the President and Executive Facilitator of Success Empowerment Network. I am married to Catherine who co-pastor with me and she is the Associate Executive Facilitator of Success Empowerment Network. We are bless with four children and I reside in Brussels, Belgium in the heart of the European Union with my family.

My mission is to inspire your performance, expand your imagination, cultivate your dreams and to help you discover, develop, deploy and maximize your God-given potential.

merkal2005: When did you start blogging?

Successfacilitator: Good question. I believe my first blogging experience began in 2006 and actively towards the end of 2007.

merkal2005: In your blog you say one can easily transform frustration into opportunities. Please give us some tips.

Successfacilitator: To start with let us define frustration. Dictionary.com defines frustration has: A feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

Now, you must understand that frustration in life is inevitable, but can also be useful depending on how we respond to it. We can transform frustration into opportunities and unlock the power to succeed in any endeavor if we respond appropriately. The following are some tips on how to easily do that:

Quiet Time: Develop a habit of having quiet times. These are moments that you could step aside from all your activities as you begin to feel overwhelmed or frustrated.

Identify Root Cause(s) of Frustration: The law of cause and effect states that: “Everything happens for a reason.” For every effect in your life, there is a cause. Crises do not just erupt without causes. The perspective changes when you consider frustration as an effect with a cause or series of causes.

Valuable Learning Tool: You have to see the situation as a learning experience. With a positive attitude, belief in yourselves and faith in God, you will find yourself in a better situation and frame of mind. Instead of complaining and making yourself and everybody around you miserable ask a question like “how can I use this frustration to be a valuable learning tool”. Looking closely, there are always valuable lessons to be learned that will better prepare you down the road when other situation like it arises.

Eliminate The Obvious: What I mean by the obvious is anything or persons that serves as a positive catalyst for the attainment of your objectives. This is a strategy that I have used in helping individuals that are frustrated and do not know how to begin dealing with the challenges that affronts them. I begin by asking them to eliminate what is obvious to them in the whole scenario which serves them positively and when they have come through that exercise I then ask them now to put the other things that seems to serve their purpose or goals negatively into proper perspective and deal with them accordingly.

Change your expectations: Dr. John Maxwell stated that “We all deal with the impact of expectations in three dimensions; Expectations we have for ourselves, Expectations we have of others and Expectations others have of us.” Oftentimes these dimensions of expectation can be very frustrating if they are not realistic and crystal clear. In order to turn frustration into opportunities you have to clarify expectations in every dimension, and frequently revisit them to make adjustments or to realign your expectations to be congruent with your inner and external dynamics.

With these few tips you are on your way to transforming frustration and unlocking the power to succeed.

merkal2005: Does blogging give a second chance to frustrated people?

Successfacilitator: Oh yes it does. All you need to do is pull yourself together and connect with the right associations.

merkal2005: How do you see the future of blogging?

Successfacilitator: The future of blogging can't be expressed in my opinion in human vernacular. I must say however, that the future of blogging is very very promising to say the least.

merkal2005: What are your suggestions to new bloggers?

Successfacilitator: I know that at first time it could be very very overwhelming, with the information and the learning curves that you will have to go through and you will be frustrated very often but.... Simply Just Take It One Step At A Time.

Successfacilitator's Page: www.anatomy-of-frustration.blogspot.com
Authors Page: merkal2005


powered by Peopleized!

Interviewed By Mert Erkal

I thought I should inform you that I had the privileged to be interviewed by Mert Erkal earlier on today on peopleized. Mert is the founder and creator of www.searchforblogging.com and bloghology, a very dynamic and intelligent blogger with a lot to offer to the blogosphere. You can download bloghology right from the bloghology button on the left of my page. I will be posting the interview later on today. Enjoy.

Anatomy of Frustration: Unfulfilled Expectations:

Unfulfilled expectations are often the root cause(s) of numerous frustrations either in your personal or professional life. Most people that I know have one or more personal or professional expectations at any given time from their goals, projects, people, spouse or relationships and when these expectations are unmet or unfulfilled, frustrations, anger, disappointments and rage are often the unwanted results and these of course fuels the frustration. For instance, when you have set family, business or career goals or targets for yourself to be achieved within a time frame and you are unable not to achieve these goals and or not been able to meet the dead line, this often result to untold frustration, anger and disappointments to say the least.

You have expectations from your spouse, your boss, and colleagues at work, your friends and acquaintances. Now when these expectations are unmet and frustration arises which most likely will, what you must do is to step back and re-evaluate your expectations and make adjustment where necessary. Solicit for feedbacks so as to ascertain what is and isn’t working. Focus on your expectations and not on the frustration and disappointments. Sometimes you will have to communicate your expectations to those that are part of making it come to fruition. It is said that you cannot keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. You may have to change your procedures or action plan that will produce the anticipated expectation. My final thought is very crucial you have to stay the course, do not allow frustration deny you of your birthright, don’t give up, don’t give in.

Quote Meal

The ultimate measure of man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at time of challenge and controversy.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Anatomy of Frustration: Lack of Faith

What is faith? The Bible says that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. It is the ability to reach beyond ourselves, to go past the obvious circumstances that surround us. It is our capacity to become convinced of the reality of things that we have not yet seen. It enables us to anticipate things, which are not yet noticeable to the natural senses. Sherwood Eddy said, “Faith is not trying to believe something regardless of the evidence. Faith is daring to do something regardless of the consequence.” This is the foremost root cause of frustration. When you take an honest look at the issues that brings about this frustrating thoughts or pain you actually discover it is nothing but lack of faith in God concerning the situation, event or even the relationship that is responsible for this emotional disposition.

In 2 Corinthians 5.7 we read “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” The word walk is of interest because the actual rendering in the Greek means to regulate one’s life or to conduct oneself. In other words you regulate your life or conduct yourself by faith and not by what you see or perceive in the natural. Your plans may also be frustrated because it is simply not His time or His will. Helen Keller said, “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” When you have this perspective you will be able to identify frustration as opportunities and translate it into something productive and unlock its power to succeed in the final analysis.

Quote Meal

God never promises to remove us from our struggles. He does promises, however, to change the way we look at them.

Max Lucado

Anatomy of Frustration: Keys to Ponder

Are you on the verge of a nervous breakdown at work, at home or considering giving up on your dreams and expectations or are you frustrated and things aren’t moving in the direction anticipated? Of course, there are challenges pertinent to everyone one of us and you are not alone in this life process. However, let me say this, it is evident that some of our expectations are not easy to achieve but they are not impossible either; that's why you have to hold on to your dreams and goals until they come to fruition. It’s actually the process of making your goals happen that really gives you reason to rejoice while the actual accomplishment is the climax of the process and pursuit of your expectations. Impossible situations are things or events, which are yet to be achieved, and of course this does not negates its possibilities.

Here are some keys to ponder on when you come across frustrating circumstances:

Having a right perspective of the situation is invaluable: This is very important as you deal with issues in every day life. Occasionally you have been astonished at yourself and the aftermath of the decisions made because you did not have the right perspective. No matter the circumstance please do take the time to evaluate, seek wise counsel and think through so as to have appropriate perspective. This process will bring clarity to some things, it will allow you have insight to what is working and what is not.

Set realistic expectations and achievable goals: Expectations or goals that aren’t realistic could be major reasons for frustration. Do not go off tangent here, set goals that are congruent with your core values, with the resources at your disposal. This does not suffice to mean that you should not stretch yourself beyond what seems impossible but shouldn’t be overstated because it will do you more harm than good.

Understand that there are things and circumstances that you cannot control: There are several events occurring in and through your life that is causing a great deal of frustrations right now. To be candid with you sometimes it’s not necessarily the events responsible for your frustration and exasperation, but just your inability to control the final outcome. This can range from the traffic to issues with your loved ones. I cannot stress this enough, you have to come to that realization that there are things you just cannot control. To know this will help you deal with the frustration immensely.

Quote Meal

"Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is."
Maxim Gorky

Anatomy of Frustration: One of my Stories

Allow me to share one of my stories on frustration. First and foremost as humans we are all susceptible to frustrations no one is immune against it. I’m yet to meet anyone who has not experienced some measure of frustration. However, it is not the frustration, object or subject of frustration that should be our focus but how to respond to the events causing the frustration and its effects.

For many who may not have read my profile yet, I am a Pastor of a growing church located in Brussels Belgium. As a Pastor, I became really frustrated with the music ministry of our church, no matter the personal and financial investments nothing seems to be moving in the right direction as it were. The musicians were not there when needed and I had spoken to them on several occasions with little or no changes at all.

I thought to myself you are so frustrated with these folks that your effect on them will become negative if you don’t do something about that frustration. Rather than getting all irritated and angry, yelling,
nagging, saying and doing things we are not suppose to like we all do when we are frustrated and overwhelmed, I made a choice to transform that energy into something more productive and you too can.

This line of thought help me see the situation as an opportunity to acquire a skill that I did not possess initially and that was to learn one of the instruments. I decided to learn how to play on the keyboard and today I can play not as a professional but at least I can fill in when our pianist or keyboardist is not available and as well play and enjoy the Lord with my daughters as worship at home.

You see transforming frustration into opportunities and the power to succeed is all about the choices we make. We may choose to respond positively or negatively when we are frustrated, whichever route you decide to take, there are consequences. Despite the fact that my situation may not exactly look alike but you will still have to make choices either to respond positively or negatively. You must not allow the seeds of discouragement, anger and despair be sown in the soil of your heart because it will produce more of frustration.

Quote Meal

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”
2 Corinthians 5.7
Holy Bible

Anatomy of Frustration: Empowering or Disempowering?

Our world today has become highly competitive and technologically advancing at an astronomical pace, which has led to a situation where most people sets goals and targets to be achieved within a time frame if they must stay relevant to trends of the times. Now the dilemma is whenever these goals and targets are not achieved frustration sets in. These goals and targets could be personal or professional in nature. However, whatever they are the issue at stake here is the fact that the objectives were not met. The feeling of frustration can affect the mind in such a way that it could be empowering or disempowering depending on the line of action pursued or questions asked in the process. Your thinking prowess will be hindered gravely, if the individual’s perspective is negative. Having the right perspective is one of the denominators that can help translate your frustration into opportunities and the power to succeed in any enterprise.

Anatomy of Frustration: Out of Control, Its Okay

One of the greatest frustrations in life is that which comes from the knowing and feeling of “out of control” and powerlessness. You feel intense frustration over unaccomplished goals and struggle with issues of life that you are unable to control. For instance, how the weather turns out today or tomorrow, how people respond to you, inability to control traffic on your way to and back from the office or your inability to control the overall outcome of a business event. Studies have shown that out of every ten people seven are affected by frustration and out of the same number three are severely affected. This is alarming.

Wisdom and experiences suggests that there are things in life that will be out of your control and coming to terms with these will help transform that frustration into opportunities that can yield amazing results. For instance, you can gain incredible amount of information and knowledge learning something new just by listening to an audio book on any subject from personal to professional in your car while you are unable to control the traffic on your way to and back from the office. Instead of cursing, yelling and exasperated because of what you cannot control.

Anatomy of Frustration: A 21st Century Malady

With all the reasons why we have failed to achieve our goals, acquire outstanding results and live the dreams of our lives, there is one cause that is now so prevalent in the 21st century and that is frustration with a capital F. It is imperative to understand that if we must achieve our goals and objectives consequently we must learn to transform frustration into opportunities and harness the energy to create incredible power to succeed. Frustration ranks among many other emotional dysfunctions.

Here is what Anthony Robbins said, “People who fail to achieve their goals usually get stopped by frustration. They allow frustration to keep them from taking the necessary actions that would support them in achieving their desire. You get through this roadblock by ploughing through frustration, taking each setback as feedback you can learn from, and pushing ahead. I doubt you'll find many successful people who have not experienced this. All successful people learn that success is buried on the other side of frustration.”

Quote Meal

“Frustration, although quite painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success.”
Bo Bennett

Anatomy of Frustration: We React Differently

It is interesting to infer here that people react differently to frustration. Some people are completely turned off from the situation that resulted to that emotional disposition without resolving it while others just simply change and continue with something else. However there are those that become incapacitated and bugged down by their dissatisfaction and frustration that they just don’t take any further action for or against. Frustration can have extremely damaging impact on your psychological state, attitude, or mood at a particular time; it can slow down your progress and can ultimately immobilize you. You see, what you do not confront today will definitely live on to confront you another day. Hence, it is to your advantage to address and seek help with the issue and leverage from the support of others when it occurs.

Anatomy of Frustration: Complexities

One of my favorite definitions of the word “complex” in context with personal and professional development that I have came across is “Influence on behavior: A set of related feelings, ideas, or impulses that may be repressed but continues to influence thoughts and behavior.”

We are often overwhelmed by the complex situations of everyday life. These complex situations have the potency to disorient our focus, drain our spiritual and physical energies, which in the final analysis will incapacitate us in the pursuit of our purpose and destinies.

Complex situations are nothing but series of unresolved situation, or events intertwined and interconnected to form a myriad of things or events in our lives. It is just like a web that a spider creates; it begins by a single tread that eventually turned out to be many treads interwoven together to form a cobweb.

Unfortunately, if these complex situations are not resolved can create terrible frustration, anger and disappointments that will inevitably produce short and long-term consequences.

The notion and attitude that complex situations are impossible to resolve in itself is detrimental to your overall success in any endeavor. Therefore, to deal with a complex situation the first thing to do is to adjust and realign your attitude to your overall objective and definite purpose. That is what it is you want to achieve or your anticipated outcome. There will always be complex situations in your life be it personal or professional to think contrary will be naive.

The second thing to do is to seek to understand the complex situation. This you can do through research, evaluation and a mastermind alliance. The last but not the least is to get raid of that procrastinating propensity by taking immediate action to resolve any issue either personal or professional so as to avoid the accumulation of unresolved situations.

Anatomy of Frustration: A Factor between Success and Failure.

Your inability to begin or continue a mind or mental processes, often attributed to emotional stress can also be termed as frustration. You have suffered from frustration one time or the other and being able to effectively address it is essential for your personal and professional development. It can also be a decisive factor between success and failure in any undertaken. Frustration is an emotion that occurs in situations where one is obstructed or prevented from reaching a personal or professional goal and left with unfulfilled needs. The more important the goals tend to be and the purpose for which they must be achieved, the intense the frustration. These suffice to say that there are levels of frustrations, however no matter its level it must be address so as to avoid its devastation sooner or later.

Anatomy of Frustration: Pope John XXIII

Pope John XXIII said: “Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.” This is a great antidote for frustration in personal and professional life, for when you develop the right kind of mental processes and you concern yourself with the positive possibilities and potentiality you will become unstoppable.

Anatomy of Frustration: Positive Possibilities

There are limitless positive possibilities, advantages to which you can use and turn the energy of this emotional trauma. Here is what Ralp Marston said, “You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.” This cannot be further from the truth. All you need to do is to decide, yes to decide that you will become unstoppable and determined to harness the energy of frustration transforming it into extraordinary opportunities and unlocking the power to succeed.

Anatomy of Frustration: Proper Perspective

Having the proper perspective of frustration is vitally important in achieving tremendous results and you will grow to become an outstanding example of achievement that will negate the supposed negative effects of frustration. Frustration actually can be a valuable tool for achieving some of your greatest achievement. Anthony Robbins, one of the experts on personal and human development has this to say; “I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.” This is not just true for Mr. Robbins but equally true for anyone that will learn and apply these simple strategies detailed on this blog.

Anatomy of Frustration: Reacting to frustration

Our initial reaction to frustration is often to succumb to it and its negative consequences without taking action in the direction of our anticipated outcome. We either resist or ignore it altogether, putting up a protective defense and confront it as an enemy with which we feel we must do battle. The yielding, resisting, partially or completely ignoring of this emotional disposition and others like it is disadvantageous and can only produce negative results, we will find ourselves producing more frustration, anxiety, stress and fear than opportunities and productivity.

In times of frustrations, you need to ask the right kind of questions, which will empower you to take action in the right direction with regard to the problem and condition at hand. Frustration has been seen and considered as an unnecessary evil responsible for your demise. To a larger extent it has prevailed as such, but this book will open your eyes to see beyond your present condition as it will crystallize in clear terms the anatomy of frustration and how you can turn and channel your frustration into productivity.

Anatomy of Frustration: Frustration can be a useful tool.

Frustration in life is not only inevitable, but also useful. However, what you chose to do or don't in moments of frustration is what will determine your ability to do that, which is necessary to achieve the expected end, or desired and your inability to produce your desired outcome. It is not what you go through that ultimately determine your outcome but how you respond to the events responsible for the frustration. Jack Canfield has formulated a formula that I think drives this point home and that is, Events + Response= Outcome (E+R=O). If you do not appreciate the outcome such as frustration in your life all you need to do is to change your response to the event until you get your anticipated outcome.

Quote Meal

“One of the sources of pride in being a human being is the ability to bear present frustrations in the interests of longer purposes”
Helen Merell Lynd

Anatomy of Frustration: Frustration an observable fact

Frustration is an observable fact that you have to deal with on a daily basis. The burdens of work, family, unforeseen crisis and unmet expectations combined to produce tangled loops of frustration in your life. While there are certain things you can do to make life run more smoothly, you must also understand that as human you have limitations in life that will make you unable to cause things to run smoothly as you desire, this makes frustration inevitable as you progress and navigate through life.

Quote Meal

“I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.”
Anthony Robbins

Anatomy of Frustration: What is Frustration

There are different definitions of anatomy. The best definition of anatomy with regard to our discourse, which is the main subject of this blog, is; Anatomy is the examination of what something is like, the way it works and why it happens. It is a detailed analysis of something. Therefore the anatomy of frustration is the examination, a detailed analysis of what it is, the way it works and why it happens

Dictionary.com defines frustration as a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

Frustration can also be defined as follows:

1. Feeling of disappointment, discomfort or defeat at being unable to accomplish one's purpose or goals.
2. A feeling of dissatisfaction that results when your expectations are not realized;
3. A feeling of annoyance at being hindered or criticized;
4. Anger produced by some annoying irritation

Anatomy of Frustration: Introduction

This blog is about this emotional disposition that we are all susceptible to and my main objective is to explore the anatomy of frustration and give some nuggets on how to transform frustration into opportunities and unlock the power to succeed.


Frustration is a phenomenon that we have to deal with on a daily basis. The burdens of work, family, unforeseen crises, unmet expectations combine to produce tangled loops of frustration in our lives. While there are certain things we can do to make life run more smoothly, we must understand that frustration is inevitable as we progress through life. Frustration is not only just an inevitable dilemma, but also useful in our life pursuits. However, what we chose to do or not to do in moments of frustration is what will determine our ability to take action on what is necessary for us to achieve our expectations or desires and our inability to produce our desired outcome.

Our initial reaction to frustration is to yield to it and its negative consequences without taking action in the direction of our anticipated outcome. We also resist or ignore it altogether, putting up a protective defense and confront it as an enemy with which we feel we must do battle. The yielding, resisting, partially or completely ignoring this emotion and others like it is negative and can produce only negative results, we will find ourselves producing more frustration, anxiety, stress and fear than opportunities and productivity.

About

Richard Onebamoi is a Pastor, International Speaker and Success Facilitator. He is the founder and president of Living Stone Family Worship Centre International located in Brussels, Belgium.

He is also the President and Executive Facilitator of Success Empowerment Network, with a mandate to inspire your performance, expand your imagination, cultivate your dreams, help you discover, develop, deploy and maximize your God-given potential(s). His motivational gift has moved thousands of listeners around the world. His head-on approach to public speaking keeps his audiences engaged from start to finish.

He is able to provide leadership, educational and personal development training that will instruct, motivate, empower and maximize your potential(s). He is a vibrant and highly sought after conference speaker. Richard easily connects with all audiences, crossing class, racial and gender lines. It is hard to hear him and not be moved to think and to act!

Richard has a profound and unique insight into God’s word. As he ministers around the globe, God continually marks his ministry with the demonstration of the Holy Spirit and power, transforming lives by the Word of His power.

He is married to Catherine who co-pastors with him, and Associate Executive Facilitator of Success Empowerment Network. They are blessed with four children and they reside in Brussels, Belgium in the heart of the European Union.

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