Richard Onebamoi interviewed by Mert Enkal
Anatomy of Frustration with Richard Onebamoi
Peopleized by: merkal2005 - Monday, 28 April 2008
merkal2005: Hi Richard, please tell us about yourself and your mission
Successfacilitator: Hello Mert, first and foremost let me take this opportunity to thank you very much for the interview.
Well, my name is Richard Onebamoi, I am a Pastor, International Speaker and Success facilitator. I'm also the President and Executive Facilitator of Success Empowerment Network. I am married to Catherine who co-pastor with me and she is the Associate Executive Facilitator of Success Empowerment Network. We are bless with four children and I reside in Brussels, Belgium in the heart of the European Union with my family.
My mission is to inspire your performance, expand your imagination, cultivate your dreams and to help you discover, develop, deploy and maximize your God-given potential.
merkal2005: When did you start blogging?
Successfacilitator: Good question. I believe my first blogging experience began in 2006 and actively towards the end of 2007.
merkal2005: In your blog you say one can easily transform frustration into opportunities. Please give us some tips.
Successfacilitator: To start with let us define frustration. Dictionary.com defines frustration has: A feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.
Now, you must understand that frustration in life is inevitable, but can also be useful depending on how we respond to it. We can transform frustration into opportunities and unlock the power to succeed in any endeavor if we respond appropriately. The following are some tips on how to easily do that:
Quiet Time: Develop a habit of having quiet times. These are moments that you could step aside from all your activities as you begin to feel overwhelmed or frustrated.
Identify Root Cause(s) of Frustration: The law of cause and effect states that: “Everything happens for a reason.” For every effect in your life, there is a cause. Crises do not just erupt without causes. The perspective changes when you consider frustration as an effect with a cause or series of causes.
Valuable Learning Tool: You have to see the situation as a learning experience. With a positive attitude, belief in yourselves and faith in God, you will find yourself in a better situation and frame of mind. Instead of complaining and making yourself and everybody around you miserable ask a question like “how can I use this frustration to be a valuable learning tool”. Looking closely, there are always valuable lessons to be learned that will better prepare you down the road when other situation like it arises.
Eliminate The Obvious: What I mean by the obvious is anything or persons that serves as a positive catalyst for the attainment of your objectives. This is a strategy that I have used in helping individuals that are frustrated and do not know how to begin dealing with the challenges that affronts them. I begin by asking them to eliminate what is obvious to them in the whole scenario which serves them positively and when they have come through that exercise I then ask them now to put the other things that seems to serve their purpose or goals negatively into proper perspective and deal with them accordingly.
Change your expectations: Dr. John Maxwell stated that “We all deal with the impact of expectations in three dimensions; Expectations we have for ourselves, Expectations we have of others and Expectations others have of us.” Oftentimes these dimensions of expectation can be very frustrating if they are not realistic and crystal clear. In order to turn frustration into opportunities you have to clarify expectations in every dimension, and frequently revisit them to make adjustments or to realign your expectations to be congruent with your inner and external dynamics.
With these few tips you are on your way to transforming frustration and unlocking the power to succeed.
merkal2005: Does blogging give a second chance to frustrated people?
Successfacilitator: Oh yes it does. All you need to do is pull yourself together and connect with the right associations.
merkal2005: How do you see the future of blogging?
Successfacilitator: The future of blogging can't be expressed in my opinion in human vernacular. I must say however, that the future of blogging is very very promising to say the least.
merkal2005: What are your suggestions to new bloggers?
Successfacilitator: I know that at first time it could be very very overwhelming, with the information and the learning curves that you will have to go through and you will be frustrated very often but.... Simply Just Take It One Step At A Time.
Peopleized by: merkal2005 - Monday, 28 April 2008
 | Read Anatomy of Frustration with Richard Onebamoi and get inspired! |
merkal2005: Hi Richard, please tell us about yourself and your mission
Successfacilitator: Hello Mert, first and foremost let me take this opportunity to thank you very much for the interview.
Well, my name is Richard Onebamoi, I am a Pastor, International Speaker and Success facilitator. I'm also the President and Executive Facilitator of Success Empowerment Network. I am married to Catherine who co-pastor with me and she is the Associate Executive Facilitator of Success Empowerment Network. We are bless with four children and I reside in Brussels, Belgium in the heart of the European Union with my family.
My mission is to inspire your performance, expand your imagination, cultivate your dreams and to help you discover, develop, deploy and maximize your God-given potential.
merkal2005: When did you start blogging?
Successfacilitator: Good question. I believe my first blogging experience began in 2006 and actively towards the end of 2007.
merkal2005: In your blog you say one can easily transform frustration into opportunities. Please give us some tips.
Successfacilitator: To start with let us define frustration. Dictionary.com defines frustration has: A feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.
Now, you must understand that frustration in life is inevitable, but can also be useful depending on how we respond to it. We can transform frustration into opportunities and unlock the power to succeed in any endeavor if we respond appropriately. The following are some tips on how to easily do that:
Quiet Time: Develop a habit of having quiet times. These are moments that you could step aside from all your activities as you begin to feel overwhelmed or frustrated.
Identify Root Cause(s) of Frustration: The law of cause and effect states that: “Everything happens for a reason.” For every effect in your life, there is a cause. Crises do not just erupt without causes. The perspective changes when you consider frustration as an effect with a cause or series of causes.
Valuable Learning Tool: You have to see the situation as a learning experience. With a positive attitude, belief in yourselves and faith in God, you will find yourself in a better situation and frame of mind. Instead of complaining and making yourself and everybody around you miserable ask a question like “how can I use this frustration to be a valuable learning tool”. Looking closely, there are always valuable lessons to be learned that will better prepare you down the road when other situation like it arises.
Eliminate The Obvious: What I mean by the obvious is anything or persons that serves as a positive catalyst for the attainment of your objectives. This is a strategy that I have used in helping individuals that are frustrated and do not know how to begin dealing with the challenges that affronts them. I begin by asking them to eliminate what is obvious to them in the whole scenario which serves them positively and when they have come through that exercise I then ask them now to put the other things that seems to serve their purpose or goals negatively into proper perspective and deal with them accordingly.
Change your expectations: Dr. John Maxwell stated that “We all deal with the impact of expectations in three dimensions; Expectations we have for ourselves, Expectations we have of others and Expectations others have of us.” Oftentimes these dimensions of expectation can be very frustrating if they are not realistic and crystal clear. In order to turn frustration into opportunities you have to clarify expectations in every dimension, and frequently revisit them to make adjustments or to realign your expectations to be congruent with your inner and external dynamics.
With these few tips you are on your way to transforming frustration and unlocking the power to succeed.
merkal2005: Does blogging give a second chance to frustrated people?
Successfacilitator: Oh yes it does. All you need to do is pull yourself together and connect with the right associations.
merkal2005: How do you see the future of blogging?
Successfacilitator: The future of blogging can't be expressed in my opinion in human vernacular. I must say however, that the future of blogging is very very promising to say the least.
merkal2005: What are your suggestions to new bloggers?
Successfacilitator: I know that at first time it could be very very overwhelming, with the information and the learning curves that you will have to go through and you will be frustrated very often but.... Simply Just Take It One Step At A Time.
| Successfacilitator's Page: www.anatomy-of-frustration.blogspot.com | Authors Page: merkal2005 |
Interviewed By Mert Erkal
I thought I should inform you that I had the privileged to be interviewed by Mert Erkal earlier on today on peopleized. Mert is the founder and creator of www.searchforblogging.com and bloghology, a very dynamic and intelligent blogger with a lot to offer to the blogosphere. You can download bloghology right from the bloghology button on the left of my page. I will be posting the interview later on today. Enjoy.
Anatomy of Frustration: Unfulfilled Expectations:
Unfulfilled expectations are often the root cause(s) of numerous frustrations either in your personal or professional life. Most people that I know have one or more personal or professional expectations at any given time from their goals, projects, people, spouse or relationships and when these expectations are unmet or unfulfilled, frustrations, anger, disappointments and rage are often the unwanted results and these of course fuels the frustration. For instance, when you have set family, business or career goals or targets for yourself to be achieved within a time frame and you are unable not to achieve these goals and or not been able to meet the dead line, this often result to untold frustration, anger and disappointments to say the least.
You have expectations from your spouse, your boss, and colleagues at work, your friends and acquaintances. Now when these expectations are unmet and frustration arises which most likely will, what you must do is to step back and re-evaluate your expectations and make adjustment where necessary. Solicit for feedbacks so as to ascertain what is and isn’t working. Focus on your expectations and not on the frustration and disappointments. Sometimes you will have to communicate your expectations to those that are part of making it come to fruition. It is said that you cannot keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. You may have to change your procedures or action plan that will produce the anticipated expectation. My final thought is very crucial you have to stay the course, do not allow frustration deny you of your birthright, don’t give up, don’t give in.
You have expectations from your spouse, your boss, and colleagues at work, your friends and acquaintances. Now when these expectations are unmet and frustration arises which most likely will, what you must do is to step back and re-evaluate your expectations and make adjustment where necessary. Solicit for feedbacks so as to ascertain what is and isn’t working. Focus on your expectations and not on the frustration and disappointments. Sometimes you will have to communicate your expectations to those that are part of making it come to fruition. It is said that you cannot keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. You may have to change your procedures or action plan that will produce the anticipated expectation. My final thought is very crucial you have to stay the course, do not allow frustration deny you of your birthright, don’t give up, don’t give in.
Quote Meal
The ultimate measure of man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at time of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Anatomy of Frustration: Lack of Faith
What is faith? The Bible says that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. It is the ability to reach beyond ourselves, to go past the obvious circumstances that surround us. It is our capacity to become convinced of the reality of things that we have not yet seen. It enables us to anticipate things, which are not yet noticeable to the natural senses. Sherwood Eddy said, “Faith is not trying to believe something regardless of the evidence. Faith is daring to do something regardless of the consequence.” This is the foremost root cause of frustration. When you take an honest look at the issues that brings about this frustrating thoughts or pain you actually discover it is nothing but lack of faith in God concerning the situation, event or even the relationship that is responsible for this emotional disposition.
In 2 Corinthians 5.7 we read “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” The word walk is of interest because the actual rendering in the Greek means to regulate one’s life or to conduct oneself. In other words you regulate your life or conduct yourself by faith and not by what you see or perceive in the natural. Your plans may also be frustrated because it is simply not His time or His will. Helen Keller said, “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” When you have this perspective you will be able to identify frustration as opportunities and translate it into something productive and unlock its power to succeed in the final analysis.
In 2 Corinthians 5.7 we read “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” The word walk is of interest because the actual rendering in the Greek means to regulate one’s life or to conduct oneself. In other words you regulate your life or conduct yourself by faith and not by what you see or perceive in the natural. Your plans may also be frustrated because it is simply not His time or His will. Helen Keller said, “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” When you have this perspective you will be able to identify frustration as opportunities and translate it into something productive and unlock its power to succeed in the final analysis.
Quote Meal
God never promises to remove us from our struggles. He does promises, however, to change the way we look at them.
Max Lucado
Max Lucado
Anatomy of Frustration: Keys to Ponder
Are you on the verge of a nervous breakdown at work, at home or considering giving up on your dreams and expectations or are you frustrated and things aren’t moving in the direction anticipated? Of course, there are challenges pertinent to everyone one of us and you are not alone in this life process. However, let me say this, it is evident that some of our expectations are not easy to achieve but they are not impossible either; that's why you have to hold on to your dreams and goals until they come to fruition. It’s actually the process of making your goals happen that really gives you reason to rejoice while the actual accomplishment is the climax of the process and pursuit of your expectations. Impossible situations are things or events, which are yet to be achieved, and of course this does not negates its possibilities.
Here are some keys to ponder on when you come across frustrating circumstances:
Having a right perspective of the situation is invaluable: This is very important as you deal with issues in every day life. Occasionally you have been astonished at yourself and the aftermath of the decisions made because you did not have the right perspective. No matter the circumstance please do take the time to evaluate, seek wise counsel and think through so as to have appropriate perspective. This process will bring clarity to some things, it will allow you have insight to what is working and what is not.
Set realistic expectations and achievable goals: Expectations or goals that aren’t realistic could be major reasons for frustration. Do not go off tangent here, set goals that are congruent with your core values, with the resources at your disposal. This does not suffice to mean that you should not stretch yourself beyond what seems impossible but shouldn’t be overstated because it will do you more harm than good.
Understand that there are things and circumstances that you cannot control: There are several events occurring in and through your life that is causing a great deal of frustrations right now. To be candid with you sometimes it’s not necessarily the events responsible for your frustration and exasperation, but just your inability to control the final outcome. This can range from the traffic to issues with your loved ones. I cannot stress this enough, you have to come to that realization that there are things you just cannot control. To know this will help you deal with the frustration immensely.
Here are some keys to ponder on when you come across frustrating circumstances:
Having a right perspective of the situation is invaluable: This is very important as you deal with issues in every day life. Occasionally you have been astonished at yourself and the aftermath of the decisions made because you did not have the right perspective. No matter the circumstance please do take the time to evaluate, seek wise counsel and think through so as to have appropriate perspective. This process will bring clarity to some things, it will allow you have insight to what is working and what is not.
Set realistic expectations and achievable goals: Expectations or goals that aren’t realistic could be major reasons for frustration. Do not go off tangent here, set goals that are congruent with your core values, with the resources at your disposal. This does not suffice to mean that you should not stretch yourself beyond what seems impossible but shouldn’t be overstated because it will do you more harm than good.
Understand that there are things and circumstances that you cannot control: There are several events occurring in and through your life that is causing a great deal of frustrations right now. To be candid with you sometimes it’s not necessarily the events responsible for your frustration and exasperation, but just your inability to control the final outcome. This can range from the traffic to issues with your loved ones. I cannot stress this enough, you have to come to that realization that there are things you just cannot control. To know this will help you deal with the frustration immensely.
Quote Meal
"Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is."
Maxim Gorky
Maxim Gorky
Anatomy of Frustration: One of my Stories
Allow me to share one of my stories on frustration. First and foremost as humans we are all susceptible to frustrations no one is immune against it. I’m yet to meet anyone who has not experienced some measure of frustration. However, it is not the frustration, object or subject of frustration that should be our focus but how to respond to the events causing the frustration and its effects.
For many who may not have read my profile yet, I am a Pastor of a growing church located in Brussels Belgium. As a Pastor, I became really frustrated with the music ministry of our church, no matter the personal and financial investments nothing seems to be moving in the right direction as it were. The musicians were not there when needed and I had spoken to them on several occasions with little or no changes at all.
I thought to myself you are so frustrated with these folks that your effect on them will become negative if you don’t do something about that frustration. Rather than getting all irritated and angry, yelling, nagging, saying and doing things we are not suppose to like we all do when we are frustrated and overwhelmed, I made a choice to transform that energy into something more productive and you too can.
This line of thought help me see the situation as an opportunity to acquire a skill that I did not possess initially and that was to learn one of the instruments. I decided to learn how to play on the keyboard and today I can play not as a professional but at least I can fill in when our pianist or keyboardist is not available and as well play and enjoy the Lord with my daughters as worship at home.
You see transforming frustration into opportunities and the power to succeed is all about the choices we make. We may choose to respond positively or negatively when we are frustrated, whichever route you decide to take, there are consequences. Despite the fact that my situation may not exactly look alike but you will still have to make choices either to respond positively or negatively. You must not allow the seeds of discouragement, anger and despair be sown in the soil of your heart because it will produce more of frustration.
For many who may not have read my profile yet, I am a Pastor of a growing church located in Brussels Belgium. As a Pastor, I became really frustrated with the music ministry of our church, no matter the personal and financial investments nothing seems to be moving in the right direction as it were. The musicians were not there when needed and I had spoken to them on several occasions with little or no changes at all.
I thought to myself you are so frustrated with these folks that your effect on them will become negative if you don’t do something about that frustration. Rather than getting all irritated and angry, yelling, nagging, saying and doing things we are not suppose to like we all do when we are frustrated and overwhelmed, I made a choice to transform that energy into something more productive and you too can.
This line of thought help me see the situation as an opportunity to acquire a skill that I did not possess initially and that was to learn one of the instruments. I decided to learn how to play on the keyboard and today I can play not as a professional but at least I can fill in when our pianist or keyboardist is not available and as well play and enjoy the Lord with my daughters as worship at home.
You see transforming frustration into opportunities and the power to succeed is all about the choices we make. We may choose to respond positively or negatively when we are frustrated, whichever route you decide to take, there are consequences. Despite the fact that my situation may not exactly look alike but you will still have to make choices either to respond positively or negatively. You must not allow the seeds of discouragement, anger and despair be sown in the soil of your heart because it will produce more of frustration.
Anatomy of Frustration: Empowering or Disempowering?
Our world today has become highly competitive and technologically advancing at an astronomical pace, which has led to a situation where most people sets goals and targets to be achieved within a time frame if they must stay relevant to trends of the times. Now the dilemma is whenever these goals and targets are not achieved frustration sets in. These goals and targets could be personal or professional in nature. However, whatever they are the issue at stake here is the fact that the objectives were not met. The feeling of frustration can affect the mind in such a way that it could be empowering or disempowering depending on the line of action pursued or questions asked in the process. Your thinking prowess will be hindered gravely, if the individual’s perspective is negative. Having the right perspective is one of the denominators that can help translate your frustration into opportunities and the power to succeed in any enterprise.
Anatomy of Frustration: Out of Control, Its Okay
One of the greatest frustrations in life is that which comes from the knowing and feeling of “out of control” and powerlessness. You feel intense frustration over unaccomplished goals and struggle with issues of life that you are unable to control. For instance, how the weather turns out today or tomorrow, how people respond to you, inability to control traffic on your way to and back from the office or your inability to control the overall outcome of a business event. Studies have shown that out of every ten people seven are affected by frustration and out of the same number three are severely affected. This is alarming.
Wisdom and experiences suggests that there are things in life that will be out of your control and coming to terms with these will help transform that frustration into opportunities that can yield amazing results. For instance, you can gain incredible amount of information and knowledge learning something new just by listening to an audio book on any subject from personal to professional in your car while you are unable to control the traffic on your way to and back from the office. Instead of cursing, yelling and exasperated because of what you cannot control.
Wisdom and experiences suggests that there are things in life that will be out of your control and coming to terms with these will help transform that frustration into opportunities that can yield amazing results. For instance, you can gain incredible amount of information and knowledge learning something new just by listening to an audio book on any subject from personal to professional in your car while you are unable to control the traffic on your way to and back from the office. Instead of cursing, yelling and exasperated because of what you cannot control.
Anatomy of Frustration: A 21st Century Malady
With all the reasons why we have failed to achieve our goals, acquire outstanding results and live the dreams of our lives, there is one cause that is now so prevalent in the 21st century and that is frustration with a capital F. It is imperative to understand that if we must achieve our goals and objectives consequently we must learn to transform frustration into opportunities and harness the energy to create incredible power to succeed. Frustration ranks among many other emotional dysfunctions.
Here is what Anthony Robbins said, “People who fail to achieve their goals usually get stopped by frustration. They allow frustration to keep them from taking the necessary actions that would support them in achieving their desire. You get through this roadblock by ploughing through frustration, taking each setback as feedback you can learn from, and pushing ahead. I doubt you'll find many successful people who have not experienced this. All successful people learn that success is buried on the other side of frustration.”
Here is what Anthony Robbins said, “People who fail to achieve their goals usually get stopped by frustration. They allow frustration to keep them from taking the necessary actions that would support them in achieving their desire. You get through this roadblock by ploughing through frustration, taking each setback as feedback you can learn from, and pushing ahead. I doubt you'll find many successful people who have not experienced this. All successful people learn that success is buried on the other side of frustration.”
Quote Meal
“Frustration, although quite painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success.”
Bo Bennett
Anatomy of Frustration: We React Differently
It is interesting to infer here that people react differently to frustration. Some people are completely turned off from the situation that resulted to that emotional disposition without resolving it while others just simply change and continue with something else. However there are those that become incapacitated and bugged down by their dissatisfaction and frustration that they just don’t take any further action for or against. Frustration can have extremely damaging impact on your psychological state, attitude, or mood at a particular time; it can slow down your progress and can ultimately immobilize you. You see, what you do not confront today will definitely live on to confront you another day. Hence, it is to your advantage to address and seek help with the issue and leverage from the support of others when it occurs.
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